You work out of a Hotel?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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