Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
