My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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