just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My cat gives me a boner
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
