I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
