i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she peed on how many people?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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