Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
