Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
