just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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