if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
