i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
