It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
