I can't watch pbs sober anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
