I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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