I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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