Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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