She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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