...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
