I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
