Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
