It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
