That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
