She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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