'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
