dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
