hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
