Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
