you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
