Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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