Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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