I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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