Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
