Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
