I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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