I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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