Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
