They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
