Porn is love you can see.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
