white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
