recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
