dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
