just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
