Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
