The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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