what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
