I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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