Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
