Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Even my vagina gasped.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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