I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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