Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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