I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
