just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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