Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
