I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
