Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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