why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
