even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
