okay pat passed out under dana's car
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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