Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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